1. |
Run Away
09:11
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The shift in my focus is subtle
But all to familiar to miss
Every limb is coerced to shake
And I gasp for air but my lungs wont take
Creeping panic
Washing out the color in my face
And every failsafe collapses
Run & hide away
Buried in my shame
Even mundanity is taxing
Run away
A night so joyous, brimming with love & memory
I'm struck and pulled aside, awaiting certain doom
The sound of laughter echoes from the hall
The color of elation cannot stay my gloom
No longer sitting still
Pacing through the building
I feel the walls begin to cave, I need an escape
Selfishly, I try to hide my suffering
But my facade quickly loses shape
Crumble beneath the summer heat of the city
Strangers look on as I deteriorate
A pathetic shape, melting into shadows (of the buildings)
As the poison sears my veins
Mere minutes have passes
Though it feels like an eternity
As those I love the most voice their concern for me
Swallowed by the sidewalk, consumed by shame
Run away, so they don't have to see my hurt
Run away
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2. |
Brutal Truth
06:50
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Sleep beneath a mantle of dust
Brimming with memories that I no longer touch
Hours of a lifetime foreign, undistinguished
Severed by a force that nothing can escape
Withering in the sunbeams
Piercing through the windows
Fading, tarnished by the now
Colored in the hues of black and white
I still await a means to reclaim
The joys that spurned conviction
At arms length away, a world I know that used to be
And should I gain hold again, what now will I see?
A spectre of what I once was, that can not be redeemed.
When I dream, ghosts of past paint a canvas
Deep into night at most vulnerable
Greeting me gently, a ruse so inviting
Till I awake to pounding throes (of all I used to know)
Sinking in my silence, stricken with cold
Pondering the terror that I may never, feel the bliss of old
A brutal truth I can not swallow
So I choke
Searching the separation
Dying in this desolation
Please, don't leave me be
Your love, I beg, I plead
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3. |
Proximal Existence
05:05
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The moonlight gaze averts my eyes and I am swayed into muted daze
Involuntary disconnect from ever-flowing time and space
A trance, subtle in its entrance, bathed in sweet nostalgia
The meager sting of winters air, biting at fingertips
Pulls me from alluring snare
Scattered amongst, years gone by (remnants of past lives)
A specter of one thousand eyes
Grasping at remnants of past lives
Every piece disintegrates, and falls between my hands
Every joy, every ache
All at once, over again
Avalanching sensation
Feeling almost foreign to me
Opaque to a fledgling soul
Condemned to bear their weight
As the gravity of time tears me back
The grip around my neck, in what has become regret
The grief is so immediate
I know no relief from these wounds
I've no wisdom beyond my years
Though I carry more sin than I should
Crawling back to what once was
Forgive me for my transgressions
Please relieve me from this slowdeath
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4. |
Requiem
10:31
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October, apartment emptied
A single light shines through half-drawn blinds
Cascading across the barren walls, unfamiliar
To the heavy hands and tired eyes
So suddenly this place of loving reflection
Becomes a place of souls to mourn
Once living, now once had lived
Seek some peace in the vacantness
And pictures in pages long unturned
Why did it have to end like this?
How much had you suffered when I had been remiss?
Though I was never far, why do I feel the ache of distance
And the guilt of listless oversight?
Now yearning, always yearning
Just as the world keeps on turning
The agony of conscience
Ripping through my being
As your ashes join with his
I feel the biting wind
Of a New England November
A type of cold that does not forgive
Just like me, I deserve no alibi
For my absence, what can I justify?
Its August, what feels a lifetime ago
The dust from the diamond
Kicked up and falls like snow
Laying gently on the sun-soaked grass
To be roused again at footsteps crash
I can see your faces among the crowd
So full of joy, loving and proud
And I run towards the bleachers in shade
Running towards your earnest embrace
These moments, so plentiful in mind
Wherever I did roam, you were never far behind
A blissful youth, uncolored and unafraid
No fear of death, no fear of fate
Now, only yearning
Always yearning
Just as the Earth keeps turning
As our bones will become dust
As joy and pain collide
I will carry you forever
And even in death you will never die
This I swear.
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Please Remember Frederick, Maryland
Born out of long nights alone with nothing but a restless mind and an acoustic guitar. A culmination of anxiety, sadness, fear, longing, and regret.
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